What I Learned On My Summer Vacation

As another summer rolls to its close, it's time for my beginning of the school year report.  The first week of May Steve had foot surgery.  The surgery had complications and because of that, our summer has taken on a very different shape from prior years.  Judging by our activities, we were not only empty nesters, but apparently we were about 75 years old.  Steve has used a wheel chair, crutches, cane and of course hobbling to get from point a to point b for the past 4 months.

Here are some of the things that I learned:

• I can be trusted with a lawn mower.  (I have suspected this for years).  Steve had always jealously guarded the tending of the lawn.  I have never known if this was from the fact that he was protective of me... or protective of the lawn.   But I've taken on this weekly task and kind of enjoy the process... and dog gone it, both the lawn and myself look just fine.
• I cannot be trusted with a week whacker.  (Steve has suspected this for years).  After having real success with the whole lawn mowing thing, I was ready to move up to edging the lawn.  I soon learned it was either the weed whacker or me.  After a 90 minute epic battle, the two of us parted company, each a little worse for wear.  So please, come enjoy the look of our lovely lawn, just pay no attention to the long grasses along the edges. 
• Elvis Presley is not a great actor.  I know!  I was shocked too.  But no matter how large a part The King played in Steve's youth, I am still eternally grateful that the Elvis Marathon on TMC is now over.  Steve has watched more old movies in the past four months than you can imagine.  That Elvis weekend was a real low point.  Steve did love being sucked back in time to when his parents would pile in all the kids into the station wagon in their jammies to watch Jail House Rock or Girl Crazy at the Drive In... and unfortunately, I had to pay the price for that this summer.
• I love coming home to having Steve perennially perched on the couch!   One thing that I really came to enjoy that whenever I flew in from work, my walk, a meeting, Steve was right there... typically with the Remote in hand.  He continued to entertain me from this spot on the left end of the couch.  When he finally went back to work part time, I was amazed at how sad I was to come home to no Sofa Sentry.  I missed his laughter and his interest in my day... even when his own day had been quiet, boring and lonely.
• Steve can be focused, to a fault.  He is reading "Killer Angels" a novel of Gettysburg.  You would think that the battle is still raging.  Steve is so upset with Buehl and so saddened for Longstreet... "why won't they listen to him?"  I keep reminding him that the battle was was over about 150 years ago... and that by most accounts, it's good that the north won... but Steve is still pretty stressed about the whole thing.  That brings me to the last great thing I learned this summer:
• I need to learn to be more in the moment.  More present in my own life.  For 27 years I've considered myself "the efficient one" of the two of us.  I can cram a lot into my day and feel good about myself in the evening when I've accomplished things from an imaginary list in my head.  I've often been frustrated when I'm waiting in the car while Steve was still getting ready.    I finally realized this summer that Steve has a quality of stillness that I lack.  He "is where he is" with few distractions and no apology.   So often when I'm participating in one activity, I'm spending half my energy planning the next one.  Sometimes I swear that I'm sitting above myself critiquing my behavior.  As I've watched Steve patiently handle a very slowed pace of life, I realize that he's been able to handle it so gracefully because he doesn't rush himself and doesn't judge himself by some ridiculous list.   

So my goal this fall is to take it all a bit more and not judge my self worth by how full my day is.  Thanks Steve for the lesson.  (I do still reserve the right to sigh and roll my eyes when I am waiting for him in the car).